| starting over for a whileI'm trying something new :)
http://paintpants.blogspot.com/
I won't be completely gone from xanga- it has served me well.... but I have grown out of it a bit :(
|
| |
| Thinking about pacificismHi everyone. On top of my mass amount of sitting at my sewing machine and Ian and I playing DDR and trying not to eat myself into a worse winter shape. I forget just how much I hate the cold winters and all of the snow and slush. I walked home as usual today and gave up after about a block on keeping my feet dry after a good 2 inches fell in big slushy snow clumps. It was pretty much completely dry this morning... and i thought about grabbing my boots, but they didn't quite fit in my backpack so I left them (after all... I have toted them the walk to work before to end up not wearing them). It's funny because I have come to the point that laziness is a reason NOT to ride the bus... which I guess isn't bad because I couple miles walking per day does a person good... but it is just funny. even when it is slushy and disgusting i just figure "I'll be home soon.. it will be fine." *shrug*
Anyway- I got on here today without any new cute pictures to show you because I was thinking during my slushy walk home today about a couple things. First, about how a co-worker today had a really strange encounter with a man who was shoveling the walk as "a blessing" and was hitting on her and making some advances toward her and creeped her out... so i was instinctively avoiding every man with a shovel I could possibly avoid. Secondly and more importantly (not that keeping one's self safe from creepy shovel carriers isn't safe) I was pondering a conversation (sort of) that I had with Heather and John not too long ago at work.
I guess for those of you who don't know, Heather and John are our discipleship team at church. Heather is our discipleship pastor and John is our resident underpaid revolutionary. We have a big retreat for about 150 of our leaders from the church coming up and the theme is "Forceful Advance" and it has been a little bit of a struggle theming out things this year because there is such a mix of feelings over military metaphors living here in DC. Quite frankly I don't think it would be quite the deal it has been if we didn't live here... not that it shouldn't be... it just probably wouldn't be. Luckily everybody has tried to be really empathetic about things and work together to come to agreeable solutions... well as far as I can tell anyhow.
We were talking about pacifism more or less and John who claims ardent pacifism was arguing on the side of violence being part of the sinful human nature and so on... there is a lot more to it and he has done his homework... so I am really not going to go into it much. Heather on the other hand playing not only devil's advocate but also coming from a pretty military friendly background ends up asking what we were supposed to do on the beaches of Normandy if we didn't fight. If you can draw up in your mind for a second two well read people who love Christ and have strong convictions and are ready for a good tussle in the middle of a fairly decently intelligent (loud) conversation and myself sitting there listening to all of it. John promptly volunteers the thought that "what if we had been praying on the beaches at Normandy?" and Heather laughs and says "they would have been slaughtered like animals" to which John says in a very cheeky manner "what? you don't believe in the power of prayer?"... which of course is just a very funny thing to bring into a fight in a church... and thus more or less ends the reasonable part of the conversation minus some minor overarching themes flung at one another before disbanding and laughing most of the conversation off. We all know there are disagreements... but luckily the two of them respect one another's points of view.
All of that to say that I have periodically been thinking about that conversation for at least a good month now. Not shortly after Heather and I just went over the idea of pacifism which I would like to err on, and she asked some tough questions in quick succession (which totally throws me off my game). I am a little bot more moderate than John when it comes to these things as I just simply am not as far into my process as he is... or maybe I just am more moderate. I don't know. At any rate, I recognize good military strategy... I understand why the military is important to a country... I know why wars are fought.... but I still cannot get over the idea of there being a "just war." It make my gut wrench and I just have not found a place in my that is okay with war in general.
I have decided over the last few weeks that just because we had to fight in order for our country to be successful does not necessarily make it a godly move. It may make it a very advantageous militaristic move and may keep the "American freedom" safe, but I am not sure that that is even a good enough reason to claim that war is or can be right (talking about Christianity and right and wrong here.) I may be digging myself a hole here, but when I was thinking about it and how Jesus was the marking of a new covenant and he was a life bringer... then shouldn't that be our main prerogative? Shouldn't the lives of others be more imprtant to us than our freedoms? I know this isn't probably going to move anyone to action to take this practically at the moment, probably not even myself, but I just have felt really impressed lately in a strange way. God laid down his rights and died for us so that we could have life abundantly... and by that i don't mean McMansions and the like... but everlasting. My mind doesn't even begin to wrap around that at all but that is what I come to. It seems that there is a very specific difference between what is a smart move and what is a right move. God didn't bring in an army to kill all of the people crucifying Jesus.. which always gets me a little bit when someone brings up all of the battles that God put Israel up against.... why didn't he kill all of those people? I am not saying that the USA is bad but to justify our patriotism through our faith seems wrong to me, and to think that Christians should support war seems wrong. I think Christians should support peace.... and i don't think declaring war is the only way to achieve that. It is probably the easiest way... but not the only way. I mean... if i cheated on my husband (hypothetically so nobody get any ideas) the easiest way to keep our relationship status quo would be to lie to him. In the end if I never tell and he never finds out and never suspects that anything is wrong then maybe that lie saved our marriage. It doesn't mean that me lying to him was right even though it may have saved a sacred union and something that is "good" and comfortable. In that way i don't feel bad about shouldering pacifism... just because it isn't a practical way of running a country does not mean that it is wrong. (it doesn't mean it is right either but you see what I mean. Gosh... turning the other cheek isn't very convenient or a very good policy for running a country that the goal is to remain strong and un-threatened. I guess i just realized while trudging through the sleet in one of the most powerful cities in the world that the goal of my life is not to uphold America... but to uphold God and that those things are in no way the same thing. If this country suddenly no longer exists i don not stop being a Christ follower. there are a lot of good things about organized government.. especially ours, but just because it causes us gain, protects us from mass persecution, allows us free speech about the Lord does not mean that it is exactly what the Lord has in mind... it is not Him and we need not support everything that makes this institution strong. I guess I am asking what is more valuable to myself... do I err on the side of USA flag-waving freedom, or on God's will as a person of peace, love and gentleness. I know this doesn't even begin to be a full thought... but i wanted to get it out of my head. Just because something wins a war for a place that brings freedom in some earthly way, does not mean it is alright with God whose plans bring eternal freedom.
That was really Christian-y of me I know... but really am trying to still sort out what a faith means for my life and my beliefs... and how they work in a practical light. It is really hard and I get confused and can't articulate all of the time... but I am trying anyway. I feel like i keep get ripped open by "the greatest of these is love," and I don't know quite what to do. Maybe this is the same cal as the rich young ruler who Jesus said to sell everything and "follow me." I know I have heard a lot of preaching on how for us now that doesn't mean to drop what we are doing and sell our bedroom set to feed the poor... but... are we sure? And what of our brothers and sisters who we are bombing and killing in other countries? My heart aches. I want to love everyone involved.... but while I empathize with their points of view... I just can't always agree if ever.
Lord give me wisdom please.
B
|
| |
| A little something for the new yearA couple things I have experimented with... please be nice... I am trying out some things I have never done before.
So first the thing I am unsure about, but have learned a lot from... which is good. It was just a journal type thing with ink and watercolor. Surprise... i have never really used watercolor before so I thought I would do some experimenting :)
And something that I feel a little bit better about because.... welll..... it isn't serious scary and it is far cuter than me eating a butterfly..... (awkward)
way cuter eh?
and more to come... i just need to get on it.
B
|
| |
